Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in aschrysalis' LiveJournal:

Thursday, August 24th, 2006
2:35 pm	apathy god, i'm miserable. i cannot seem to be happy around michael. i cannot even fake it. i don't know what it is but something is absent. sex is awkward and i am always some place else. it's been months since i've consistenly enjoyed the company we keep. (Comment on this)
Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
7:44 pm	Conversation among selves. Another Wednesday has passed. Amélie fell sound asleep before twilight. I'm awake with little attention span beyond listening to the passing cars. I wonder if I am pregnant. With Amélie almost 11-months old already each month I find myself wondering, hoping? hoping, that I am. Then I find that I am not pregnant and relieved. I want to be so that I will no longer question it. Having 4 siblings of my own I cannot in good conscience deprive her of a sibling. Then I don't want to be because... I don't know. The work involved? The months after giving birth where I no longer know my body. That is terrible. The uncertainty of sex. I want to have a boy. For our family to have that son, grandson, nephew. I wonder how a woman could not want to have a child. We are women of the 21st century. Family and career are facets we know how to balance. A career without a child to instill that motivation, that passion in would be lacking. I attained my dual bachelors while Amélie was less than 6-months old. And regardless of how many children we have in the near-future I know I will attain my Masters, if not Doctorate, and live my passion. Current Music: "Love Should." - Moby (Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 20th, 2006
12:49 pm	morning after solution: anyone? aphrdoite ran away from home. she is either lost, in someone else's home or deceased. it's been 3 days. michael and i took today off (scheduled months ago). our fights are only at night.... i don't think i'll wait up for him anymore. i am hungry. p.s. don't worry, chelsea. we made it through another rough night. And we've been preapproved for a home loan. (Comment on this)
Monday, June 19th, 2006
10:16 pm	it's me again. If i'm this broken I fear how shattered she'll be. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, June 16th, 2006
10:19 pm	broken. i am currently too proud to cry. too proud to let either of you know how you tore me apart. i never thought these 2 women would refuse me. it would have taken less than 15 minutes to stand besdide me at my wedding. i have never felt as terribly alone as i do now. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 30th, 2006
8:40 pm	Tornado Warning They turned on the television at 3:20pm to a news anchor saying "Tornado warnings in Fulton County at 3:21pm." Thanks for the warning, buddy. The power at my apartment is still on. The power in Mayfield is a different story. My parents witnessed the crashing of trees through their neighbor's roofs. Lightning struck over 200 times from one storm cloud. Someone somewhere was unhappy with our behavior. As of this moment, Amélie is sleeping and Michael is working. The birds' songs are magnificent. By the sounds of them, it should be early morning. The view from my porch--only an American flag bent and lopsided across the neighbor's roof. The sky is still dark blue with orange light. The breeze barely touching the wind-chimes. Water dripping from rooftops and trees onto already wet pavement. Current Music: the aftermath (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 29th, 2006
7:48 pm	Math Problem. solved it on my own. peace. (Comment on this)
3:08 pm	Romeo and Juliet's shared, spoken sonnet If I profane with my unworthiest hand This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this; My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready stand 'To smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss. Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much, Which mannerly devotion shows in this; For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch, And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss. Have not saints lips, and holy palmers too? Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer. O! then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do; They pray, grant thou, lest faith turn to despair. Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake. Then move not, while my prayer's effect I take. Current Music: windchimes on the porch (Comment on this)
3:05 pm	Le poème. J’ai besoin de restée. Dans ma tête la musique est infatigable et belle. Il arriverai. Je n’ai pas les mains gentiles toucher. (Comment on this)
10:11 am	Sacandaga Yesterday was one of the most beautiful days. I was as close to at peace with myself as I've been in months. The lake was the perfect balance of calm and motion. When the sun was too much we sat in the shade. Current Music: Moby "Hotel" (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 28th, 2006
9:00 am	the writer Bernard Pivot La langue, c'est notre mère, on suce la langue en suçant le lait maternel. La langue, c'est notre oxygène, c'est notre chlorophylle. On est inséparables de notre langue. La langue, elle est à l'intérieur de nous. Elle est dans notre tête, mais elle est dans nos mains, elle est dans notre sexe, elle est dans notre corps. Vous arrachez notre langue, c'est comme vous arrachez une demi-livre de chair. (Comment on this)
7:10 am	Wanting Leave I need to travel more. create your own visited states map (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 27th, 2006
7:56 am	Good Morning I woke up earlier and easier today than I did all week. Last night was perfect. I returned to an almost completely clean house. The office is near completion. We watched Frieda. We sat on the porch talking about his art project and my perspective on friendship. My hands ache. The doctor told me that my ailment is as common as the cold. Then, why am I the only 24-year-old with the condition? My pain is "mild." Compared to whose standards? I am sure if you compared my threshold of pain against another 24-year-old's we would differ immensely. I've been advised to seek a 2nd opinion. I'm not sure I care to waste my time within any close proximity of the medical field in the near future. One final statement: If you are going to "stop over" at least have the courtesy to stop over for a minute or two. Waiting up for a man with a ditching pattern is far from my favorite pastime. Chelsea, bless us with your presence this weekend. Current Mood: tired Current Music: Amelie (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 25th, 2006
9:41 pm	My lover. Welcome, Michael. Current Mood: flirty (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
8:22 am	late morning It's 8am. I just woke up. Late again. That means, I'll be working yet another late day at work. God, I used to wake up early, drink my coffee, shower, and still have time for Amélie to eat and play. I have to coach little league girls tonight. Without JR. Not yet sure how I feel about it. Current Mood: cranky Current Music: Amélie talking. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 23rd, 2006
1:23 pm	Excerpt from "Said the shotgun to the head" I sat outside, smoked 3 drags from a clove, ate 2 Reece's peanut butter cup minis, walked to the phone, picked it up he was on the other line. It did not ring. He read the following lines: If you refuse yourself and her then take your fire from your holster and lend your breath so that my love and I may sore. Current Music: Michael's voice (3 Comments |Comment on this)
1:03 pm	SIde by side they both look bright together they both look grey. Going on the 3rd day straight of lover-mistreating-lover-because-their-depressed-about-god-only-knows-what. Can't any day we share be sacred? How long will I be alright with staying optimistic in every relationship but ours? Current Mood: crushed Current Music: In my head: "Fiona Apple" (Comment on this)
Monday, May 22nd, 2006
4:56 pm	Sick Day. I called in sick today. Amélie fell asleep in my arms last night after midnight. That hasn't happened in 6 months. It must be those teeth. I had wanted to start my week fresh. I had wanted to wake up at 6-am and walk then do pilates. Instead I slept until 10-am.....not sure when the last time I slept that late was. I abhor sleeping in when I am not even tired. I just slept to avoid waking. Still studying french as if it'll amount to anything. Current Mood: anxious Current Music: the Roofers radio playing Foreigner's "Double Vision" (Comment on this)
Sunday, May 21st, 2006
10:29 am	Rainy Days The weather is deceptive. I woke to a blue sky with scattered white clouds. An hour later without provocation, the sky turned slate. And now, rain. Another dreary day. It makes my hands ache. I am dressed and ready to celebrate ma mere's anniversaire 50! It should be a surprise. I don't know how I've kept it from her this long. Each time we spoke I caught myself about to say "I think we found a vanity...Or I cannot go to brunch with you and your sisters because I have to help set up." My brother finagled the presence of his daughter, Samantha. Yeah! She is 8 years old and I am now just meeting her. How lousy. Her mother is even lousier. She kept Jeromy from her and tormented him the precious time he was around her. I don't know how he managed it, but she's finally going to be in NY with him, with us! All 5 siblings will be together. Finally. We haven't been together since Christmas '99. We've seen each other but not as one group. If only Jeromy would sell his home and move North. At least, to New England. My monkey is sleeping. My house is clean. I don't know what to do with my time. Current Mood: peaceful Current Music: Rain in alley. (Comment on this)
Saturday, May 20th, 2006
11:04 pm	C'est moi. It's official- I've abandoned myspace and sought refuge in the live journal. I swear I was here before. It's 3 hours past my bedtime. Current Mood: exhausted (Comment on this)